If that was your dad, he is hot
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
