nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
My dick has a subreddit
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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