TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
