and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
This baby is an asshole
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
