omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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