You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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