That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
