my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
