i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
