***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
