It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
