I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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