Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize