He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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