before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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