thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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