This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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