How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Randomize
