Plan B is the new Plan A
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
