Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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