You really coming over, don't trick.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
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