Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I understand Curling. That high.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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