I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
