Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
