Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
