How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
