The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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