ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
