Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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