if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
