the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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