Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
