I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
