I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
