it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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