if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
