You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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