Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
