I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
We named our party play list daddy issues
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
