That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
