You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
