remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize