i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
