i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
