I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
