I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
