Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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