I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize