And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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