This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
