I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
