u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
