okay pat passed out under dana's car
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
