Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
