Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
