How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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