census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
