it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
