why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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