he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
