Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
