i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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