remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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