It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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