If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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