I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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