if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
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