Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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