Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
