dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
